Cassidy

Ry’s birthday is in early September, and since her whole world is going to being turning upside down right before it (ahem, baby brother), I want to plan something now that will make her feel super special.

My mother’s side of the family is hispanic, and so most of our family parties have a little Latin flair to them already. I love Frida’s art, Ry loves to draw, and her favorite food group is “quesadilla,” soo it was a match made in heaven! Above is a little mood board I threw together. I have some fun people getting involved, which I am so grateful for since I will need all the help I can get (um, hello being like 1 week postpartum!) In the end, I hope it’s laid back and fun for her, and that she feels love coming at her from every angle. Let’s just not talk about the fact that she’s going to be another year older, k?

I recently did a Valentines day style session for Glitter Guide, where I got together with Nikki and came up with three different romantic-inspired looks (a little preppy, a little boho, and of course…a little glam).

To make the post on this here blog a little different and extra special, I had the opportunity to collaborate with one of my new favorite small business owners and artist Jessica Marie. She is going to start selling custom illustrations, and offered to put her skills to work in illustrating those three looks. How incredible is she?!

I love her detail of the flower here. The colors coordinate with the real image perfectly!

I was so so excited to have my best friend’s mom sew this skirt for me. Sometimes I know exactly what I want but can’t find it anywhere. When that happens, she always turns my musings into something real and beautiful. It was extra special to see this skirt illustrated.

By far, this is my favorite. When this first popped up in my inbox, it took my breath away. Not only are the details in the illustration beyond (look at that fringe!) I feel like she totally captured Rylie’s sweet nature, what it feels like to hold her, to love her, to be her mother. I’ll cherish this illustration for years.

I’ve always loved etsy because there is something so personal and special about a small business and anything handmade. I really suggest checking out Jessica’s etsy shop, and if there’s a special picture you have, get it illustrated, it’s just really special to see an image turned to life through illustration.

Thank you Jessica 🙂
SUPPORT HANDMADE!

The holidays are my favorite time of the year, for many reasons. One of our favorite traditions is sending and receiving holiday cards! Nikki of Je Adore and I got together to play around with our holiday cards this year. Here are our two favorite ways to display them. Check out Glitter Guide for their feature too 🙂

Love these kiddos 🙂

I’m pretending that I’m crafty enough to need gold scissors over here 🙂

white pencils with gold heart * gold scissors from rifle paper’s new notable line * …oops! eraser from a little paper boutique in San Diego * acrylic and gold tape dispenser * eyeglass case * kate spade eye glasses
Have you seen the Glitter Guide project I did with big white bricks and rose gold polka dots? Such a fun project, and can I say how much I love working with Taylor the founder? She has become one of my favorite people, I love how social media can connect people.

The funny thing…those comments people wrote…made me giggle for several reasons.
1) If anyone knows me they know I’m slightly obsessed with Rylie being stimulated on a daily basis and sometimes go overboard on the “toddler projects.” Really people…I even said it in the intro to the project, this is an EASY PRETTY project for people that want toys that can be displayed even when it’s not playtime. I believe in color and visual stimulation too, trust me 😉 2) Nikki and I were laughing during the shoot because she has always known that I secretly can’t even cut in a straight line. I really do love projects though and always have a million ideas running through my head. Sometimes though, I need someone else to execute that damn straight line 😉 So as a working busy mom who likes quick easy projects and the colors white and gold in her home, that’s about as DIY as I can get. So call it what you gotta call it, for me, that’s a DIY by my standards 🙂
My favorite…when my gramma calls me up and says “don’t these people know it’s glitter guide?!”

Goodness I love her.

xoxo

Happy Halloween! From the “Queen Bee,” a “Field of Flowers,” and of course…the “Honey.”

I had all these grand plans for the first post on this tweaked and improved, shiny and new blog. This is not the post I thought I’d write.

I was pregnant. We were going to ride this rodeo one more time, and this time it all took on new meaning because we already had a little darling in our life that allowed us to see what a miracle we could create. When I heard that heartbeat for the first time, so loud and so reminiscent of our Rylie’s the first time we heard hers, I was smitten. No turning back, this was happening, I was in love, and we were no longer a family of three, we officially had two little darlings in our life.

I really felt this pregnancy. And by felt, I mean I was nauseous all day and never knew what fatigue felt like until a couple of weeks ago. I convinced myself that all this discomfort and sickness was taking away all the sickness from the baby. For the rest of my life, I’d wish that I could take my baby’s pain away, and for the only time in his or her life, I could.

God had different plans though, and I’m still struggling to understand them. At our 12 week appointment, with Rylie in tow (excited and repeating to everyone around her “baby’s heartbeat, baby’s heartbeat) the doctor turned on the ultrasound screen and we knew instantly. There was no longer a little flicker in the chest, and no movement like the doctor had predicted to Rylie that we would see. That moment is burned into my brain, hearing Rylie ask for the heartbeat, and to see…nothing, to hear…nothing.

I’ve never felt loss so close to home. As I write this, my vision is blurry because my eyes are filled with tears and puffy from no sleep last night. I’m angry, I’m devastated, I’m confused, I’m afraid, I want answers. I want to turn back time.

Tomorrow is the procedure where they remove him or her. At first I was angry that they couldn’t do it sooner, and now, I don’t want tomorrow to come. I’m not ready to let go yet. So I’m writing this post now, when the feelings are still so raw and fresh, so that I don’t ever have to let go and so that we will never forget. Before we found out, I made a video that I was going to use to announce our pregnancy. I was going to cut out the “baby” parts and change the music, but then thought to myself… “Why would I cut those parts out? In those moments, we were a family of 4 and you sweet baby, were still so alive in our minds and hearts.” So no, I’m keeping the video, and I’m going to watch it whenever I need to be reminded.

Sweet baby, I’ll never get to hold you in my arms, or kiss your eyelashes when you’re sleeping. I’ll never get to hold your hand, or kiss your booboos when you fall. I’ll never see your smile, or have my heart melt when you reach up to me. I’ll never hear you call me mama. But I will always be your mama. You’ll also never be cold, never be afraid, never feel lonely, never have your heartbroken. If you could hear before your heart stopped, the last thing you heard was my heart beating, and every beat was for you. I struggle with my faith, but if you are in heaven, and every part of me hopes you are…then instead of me holding you in my arms telling you about all the people that love you, I hope that God is holding you and telling you all about us. I want you to know that Rylie was so in love with you too. She already knew she was your big sister, and it broke my heart yesterday and this morning when she’d lift my shirt and kiss my belly, which has become a little ritual for us. Last night she asked me to read her the “baby” book, a book we got her to help her understand what being a big sister meant. It’s her favorite book. A part of me wanted to hide it last night, but I didn’t. We read it, and she still lit up at the part when the “Rylie” is holding “the baby.” It broke my heart, but I believe that for a long while she won’t let us forget, and that’s ok with me.

Your gift to us was that we will cherish your sister even more than we thought we possibly could now. You brought your dad and I even closer together yesterday, if that was even possible. And maybe one day, someone will need me to really understand their loss, and I will, because of you. My heart aches for you, and I already feel so empty. You have already left your mark, I promise. I love you, I miss having you, and I promise to never forget. I’m comforted in knowing that Rylie got her first guardian angel.

*update. A part of me didnt understand why my body would not miscarry on its own. A part of me thought that process would give me more closure in a way. We have the most wonderful doctor though. When I asked if I could see the baby one more time before the procedure, he said “you’re the boss.” In the operating room, right before they put me under, I got to visit with our little one, one last time. He spent so much time showing me the little hands, feet, and profile. It was the last thing I saw before drifting off to sleep as the doctor held my hand. Now THAT is the image I’m left with, and I’ll be forever grateful.

I had some painters tape, gold spray paint, and a boring old vase laying around. So decided to have some fun during Rylie’s nap yesterday 🙂 Here’s what happened!

Easy and fun!
xoxo

I’m sort of obsessed with gold these days. So when I came across some gold dipped barstools on Pinterest, I knew I just had to do it.

First, I bought these barstools from Wal-Mart. I didn’t want to get anything fancy, because I wasn’t sure if my gold-dipped project would turn into a gold-dipped disaster. Then I discovered that many folks had had success with this gold paintspray. I braved Home Depot (have I mentioned I have a weird aversion to Home Depot), bought all the supplies, and went to work! I love them!